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Why is it so difficult to get going and keep going with prayer?
If you’re anything like me, you often have a vague sense that your prayer life should be better, or more fulfilling. You can feel ‘no good’ at praying, so it’s no wonder that motivating yourself to pray is a real challenge.
But the great news is that there are ancient paths you can travel on with others.
It can be difficult to persevere when we go through difficult times. But stick with me, I’d love to show you some things that can help.
Here’s what I mean:
This post will suggest ways to:
1. Explore a vast range of ways to pray.
2. Notice what God has already been doing.
3. Travel lightly with the help of trusted friends.
4. Learn to navigate – find the ancient paths.
5. Journey as you can, open a map and follow what’s helpful.
6. Understand our fear of getting down to pray.
7. Overcome boredom and lack of motivation in prayer.
By the way, if you'd like some help with prayer, you can join us for the Discovering Prayer Course.
Top Tips for Learning to Pray
1. Explore a vast range of ways to pray.
We may sometimes put prayer in a box. We may think of prayer as a once-a-day activity. For example: praying for 30 minutes in the morning, using Bible notes and praying for a list of needs.
Not a bad start, but what happens when your routine changes? Or you have caring responsibilities? Or work that makes this routine an insurmountable challenge?
And what about listening to God? How does listening happen when we are so busy thinking about God and talking about our needs and desires?
I find it strange that in many churches there is little teaching on prayer. We wander, alone, with a set of 30-minutes-in-the-morning ‘Rules’ that we can’t live up to.
Sometimes the Lord’s prayer is taught: wonderful words to inspire and guide our prayer.
Yet, I think that as well as teaching us to pray the words of the Lord's Prayer, Jesus taught us by example, the example of an integrated prayer life.
Jesus prayed in so many ways, for instance:
- when alone (Mark 1:35; also in Matthew 14:23 and Mark 1:12-13);
- before important events (Luke 3:21 and Luke 4);
- on mountain tops (Matthew 17);
- to bless people and children (Matt 19:13);
- when speaking with friends (Matt 11:25);
- interceding that we might be one (John 17:21).
Prayer was integrated into Jesus’ life.
Prayer does not equal prayer time – it’s more than that. Prayer is about our relationship with God.
Richard Rohr puts it like this,
‘Most simply put, prayer is something that happens to you, (Romans 8:26-27), much more than anything you privately do. Eventually, you will find yourself preferring to say, “Prayer happened, and I was there” more than “I prayed today.”
All you know is that you are being led, being guided, being loved, being used, being prayed through – and you are no longer in the driver’s seat.’
The disciples' request ‘teach us to pray’ and Jesus' teaching in response both acknowledge that there is something to be learned.
Later generations of followers of Jesus have lots to teach us about a broad range of types of prayer. So maybe it is important to recognise that we need to learn about prayer and how to pray, not to assume we know everything automatically.
Learning to pray is like a journey into the unknown, yet led and accompanied by Jesus.
There are many ways to pray, and different ways of praying are helpful at different times in our lives. To help keep going with prayer it helps to commit to continual exploration. There are a wealth of things to learn about prayer that can help deepen our relationship with God.
If you'd like to explore a range of ways of praying we offer the Discovering Prayer Course
2. Notice what God has already been doing.
Where to begin on this journey of prayer? Perhaps you are starting from scratch, or you’ve got out of the way of praying and want to reconnect. It can be difficult to know where to start.
Perhaps, though, like setting off on any journey it’s best to start where we are! You may like to check out what kind of prayer you are naturally drawn to.
Here’s what I mean:
Sometimes it is easy to be unaware that you are already pausing for moments in the day to think about God. You may find it helpful to recognise if you are pausing during: a coffee break, commute, school run or other routine activity.
You may not be thinking a prayer or praying a request, but rather putting aside what you are doing for a few moments to gain a different perspective.
Perhaps you are allowing the beauty of creation – whether in a city, suburban or rural setting – to sink in.
It is a good idea to start by noticing the prayer that you already do because this is the prayer that God has already initiated in you. Remember Jesus says, 'You did not choose me, I chose you.' John 15:16
Also, the types of prayer that we already use are those we may find helpful to build on. So, for example:
If you already say the Lord's Prayer, it may be that you will wish to build on that. You might like to explore saying it at different times in the day, or slowing down the prayer and thinking about each line.
If formal set prayers seem foreign to you, perhaps simply talking to God is more your style and it’s a time to focus on listening as well as talking.
Or if you are so full of busyness, and occasionally need to stop, maybe surrendering to God in the silence is more your thing.
The point is to recognise what God is already doing in your life, and to start to explore from there, building on the existing work of the Holy Spirit in you.
'We often think prayer depends on us, but that’s not true. Prayer doesn't hinge on our performance. The effectiveness of our prayers depends on Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. So, when you think about how to pray, remember, prayer is part of our relationship with God.'
Jack Zavada, thoughtco.com
God calls us into a relationship with him, so it might help to recognise what types of prayer you are already familiar with and find helpful. Then, ask God for help and experiment with new ways of praying, based on what you are drawn to.
3. Travel lightly with the help of trusted friends.
How do we know who to trust when it comes to advice about a route to deepen our relationship with God in prayer?
A suggestion is to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom. We might also turn to friends and ministers for advice, but it’s helpful to weigh this advice before implementing.
For example:
Several well-meaning friends have in the past suggested to me that I pray in ways that don't ring true for me.
When I was 19, a very enthusiastic soul told me that Christians usually get up early to pray. I wasn't sure then that she was right, but because she was a leader in the church I still followed her advice. I stopped my regular evening prayers and tried to get up early… and I failed practically every time.
Another enthusiastic person suggested I read Christian books rather than pray. She suggested that books would give me better 'guidance'. Well, that might depend on the book! And also, guidance in what? How to pray?!
Both friends assumed I didn't pray and that there was only one way to pray; the way that was right for them. Although well-meaning, they loaded me up with unhelpful baggage, which is best stowed away.
There are lots of ways of praying. Different forms of prayer will suit different people, and be useful at different stages of life. At the age of 19, getting up early was impossible for me. Now with a young family, staying up late is trickier!
So choose the advice you follow with care. Ultimately, God will guide you and if you need advice from friends, choose whose advice you take.
Judge wisely about what you should do – it may help to listen to friends, but always weigh their advice in the light of what you read in the Bible.
You might also seek wisdom from ministers, spiritual directors, books or even websites. It might be wise to be careful about trusting those who tell you to take up a regime of prayer that is onerous.
By the way, the Retreat Association, UK offers help and advice for those who’d like to find a spiritual director or companion. If you’d like you can contact the Retreat Association for help and advice.
4. Learn to navigate – following ancient paths.
There are many ways to pray, but what does this mean in practice?
‘This area is all about ancient spirituality – about learning with and walking with those who’ve gone before us. Pioneers of meditative prayer like Ignatius. Monastic trailblazers like Francis. Devoted lives like Catherine of Siena. These lives each bring us closer to God as we realise how he met with them, and how they prayed and lived.’ Andy Freeman
If it is true that there is more than one way to pray, it is also true that there are lots of tried and tested routes that have been explored since ancient times. Here are some I've found most helpful:
- Absorbing God's Word: a prayer based on the ancient path of Lectio Divina. Use slow reading of the Bible as a starting point for meditation, adoration and prayer.
- Silence and listening to God: some people are drawn towards wordless adoration. This is like spending time wordlessly with a loved one.
- Written prayer or journalling: sometimes writing prayers and thoughts is helpful. We can write or draw half-formed thoughts, needs for healing and other prayers.
- Making a retreat: sometimes it is good to take an extended period of time away on retreat in a prayerful place.
- Intercession: praying for other people and situations. We pray for others, recognising that they are in God's hands, that we don't have all the answers.
- Petition: or asking God for help for yourself or others.
- Short/tweeting prayers: there are many examples of prayer online. For example on Twitter, pictures and prayers by Ian Adams @morningbell2u and Sister Catherine Wybourne @digitalnun inspire prayer.
- Praying whilst doing a repetitive activity: in this type of prayer you focus on what you are doing. There need be no special effort to pray, but to focus on the activity and doing it for God. Good activities are things that don't need lots of thought, such as cleaning the car (OK, so that’s a rare activity for me) or cooking.
- Repeating a phrase: some people find it helpful to repeat and meditate* on a particular word or phrase of scripture, allowing it to sink in.
- Reading and praying morning and evening prayer: this is easier than you might think to do because you can use the Daily Prayer app to guide you.
- Prayer combo: when I'm distracted, or just because it's a lovely day, I sometimes go for a prayer combo. This could be a walk, saying a short prayer. Then alternating between interceding for others.
These are just some examples. There are lots more styles of verbal, physical and silent prayer. I've included examples of the ones that I have used regularly.
A great source of enrichment can be found in the ancient paths of prayer. They help us to explore the Bible in prayer and meditation, and to learn to listen to God. We can also learn to incorporate prayer into our daily activities and schedules.
* Note that the aim of Christian meditation is to allow space for God, and consent to God's presence and action within us. It is not the same as forms of meditation which create altered states of consciousness.
5. Journey as you can, open a map and follow what’s helpful.
So, having prepared for the exploration, what are the things we can put in place to help us maintain an initial enthusiasm?
Walk, cycle, skateboard, space hopper… it doesn't matter what mode of transport you use, or what form of prayer you use. It's the direction that counts, which is towards God!
If you're learning to pray more deeply then it will probably help you to have a gentle structure for your prayers. This way you can keep your commitment to praying regularly at a time that fits into your life.
‘Pick a consistent time and place when you can be alone. It might be in the morning at home, or during a long commute, or over your lunch break, or at a convenient time in the evening.
The times and places can be different for different people... but it should still be consistent for you.’
Marshal Segal, desiringGod.org
How long you can give to prayer each day depends on your situation. In general, it's good to be gentle with yourself, and at the beginning set a schedule you know you have a chance of keeping.
One of the most common pitfalls in prayer is deciding on a demanding schedule for prayer – usually by comparing with others. The results are deflation, giving up and greater obstacles to having another go.
So start, make it realistic, and short enough to fit in with your daily life.
As I said earlier, the types of prayer that we already use are those we may find helpful to build on.
Sometimes it is also good to experiment with other types of prayer. Unless they are really unhelpful, it is good to give new types of prayer a good go for a few weeks or months, to settle into them.
Types of prayer that are new to you may turn out to be very fruitful and you may keep on with them. Or they may be for variety and refreshment, and give you a new appreciation and enthusiasm for your tried and tested form of prayer.
Journey together
There is an old African proverb that says: 'If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.'
And Jesus said that, 'where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.' (Matthew 18:20)
When we pray together, something more seems to happen. Even Jesus didn’t live his life and carry out his ministry alone. He was part of a group. That’s one of the reasons for being part of a church and it’s one of the reasons for praying with others.
We seem to be created to be in community with others. When we pray together, we encourage each other to keep going, and somehow we teach each other to pray and seek God. So it is good to join a community that prays, for mutual support.
Two key things for the journey of prayer. Firstly, to have a gentle, realistic structure for your prayer times and secondly, to be part of a community committed to a similar path.
Top traps and how to deal with them
I know that I want to pray, but believe me, I make any excuse to put it off. It's a bit like when I was a student with an assignment to do. I even cleaned my room rather than get down to it. So what is all that procrastination about?
6. Understand our fear of getting down to pray.
If I'm honest, when I start to get down to pray one of my reactions is fear. It could be something to do with believing that prayer is about a relationship with an awesome and almighty God. So when I think about being in God's presence, with all my imperfections, I'm scared.
Do you recognise the feeling? It's actually nothing new to be fearful of prayer. The book of Exodus in the Bible describes the story of Moses. He became a leader of the Israelites (the Jewish people) in about 1300 BC, but this short excerpt illustrates his sense of fear:
'Moses was shepherding the flock of Jethro, his father-in-law, the priest of Midian. He led the flock to the west end of the wilderness and came to the mountain of God, Horeb.
The angel of God appeared to him in flames of fire blazing out of the middle of a bush. He looked. The bush was blazing away but it didn't burn up.
Moses said, "What's going on here? I can't believe this! Amazing! Why doesn't the bush burn up?"
God saw that he had stopped to look.
God called to him from out of the bush, "Moses! Moses!"
He said, "Yes? I'm right here!"
God said, "Don't come any closer. Remove your sandals from your feet. You're standing on holy ground.” Then he said, "I am the God of your father: The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob"
Moses hid his face, afraid to look at God.'
Exodus 3, The Message
I've come to the conclusion that fear is a natural part of prayer. It's natural on my own, when I encounter my smallness in the arms of a mighty loving God, that I should feel afraid. It's also natural in groups, and expressed by a reluctance to get down to pray.
Does this sound familiar?
A group decides to pray. Then spends 25 minutes deciding what to pray, then hurriedly praying for 5 minutes at the end of the meeting.
One cure is to remember that it is God who initiates communication with us. It is not us who stoically get down to prayer, but God who invites and woos us to be more faithful and delights in what even we are able to offer.
Suzette Hattingh from Christ for all Nations once described prayer as being in circles that start with God, link around us, and conclude with God. God starts the relationship with us, and relationship with God is what prayer is all about.
Fear and procrastination are often part of our nature. When we stop to come into a time of prayer we notice these feelings and failings. We shouldn’t be surprised that this is so.
This self-knowledge is part of what happens when we pray. If we wait we will move from self-knowledge to a more real knowledge of God, as God really is, rather than what we imagine.
7. Overcome boredom and lack of motivation in prayer.
If you think you’re the only one who sometimes gets bored during a prayer time, or demotivated, then what can I say, you’re in plentiful company!
Our lives are so tuned to being entertained that it’s hard to stop and listen.
This is further compounded by leaders who teach that prayer is hard. Even C. S. Lewis, one of my heroes, described prayer as 'irksome'.
Maybe one of the problems is a lack of understanding about what prayer is and even who God is. Do we think that God is a supreme being awaiting our demands?
What if God is not who we think he is, but far greater than we can imagine? What if the reason for our boredom is because we have, in the silence, become aware of ourselves and this is uncomfortable?
Surely, what we seek, is a deeper, truer relationship with the living God. The late Archbishop Bloom put it like this:
‘It is very important to remember that prayer is an encounter and a relationship. A relationship which is deep, and this relationship cannot be forced either on us or on God…
If we could mechanically draw him to meet us, simply because we have chosen this moment to meet him, there would be no relationship and no encounter. We can do that with an image, with the imagination, or with the various idols we can put in front of us instead of God;
We can do nothing of the sort with the living God, any more than we can do with a living person.
A relationship must develop in mutual freedom.
If you look at the relationship as a mutual relationship you will see that God could complain about us a great deal more than we about Him.
We complain that God does not make himself present to us for the few minutes we reserve for Him. But what about the twenty-three and a half hours during which God may be knocking at our door and we answer,
"I am busy, I am sorry."
Or when we do not answer at all because we do not even hear the knock at the door of our heart, of our minds, of our conscience, of our life.
So there is a situation in which we have no right to complain of the absence of God. We are a great deal more absent than he ever is.’
Anthony Bloom, School for Prayer
Think about your relationships.
There are many ways of expressing these: working together, having fun, sharing meals, vegging on the sofa.
If prayer is about a relationship with God, then it follows that there will be lots of ways of praying. We can pray: out loud, silently, in adoration, whilst singing in the car, with the Bible, with friends, while knitting or weeding, and even with a coffee.
Often when we come into a space to pray we notice that we are bored, sometimes God seems silent, we aren’t even sure where we should direct our prayer. It’s at these times, when we are achieving nothing, that we are learning to wait.
We are learning at a profound level that God is a separate being from ourselves and cannot be ordered around. The relationship cannot be forced.
As we wait, and have the honesty to admit we are bored or frustrated, we are guided to the land where God draws close to us and at last, we begin to hear.
When lack of motivation strikes
If you are lacking in motivation, you could grit your teeth and force yourself to pray, but this seems a bit harsh! Here are some ideas that are particularly helpful when a lack of motivation strikes:
- Ask God for help and then simply relax in his presence. If you find silence challenging, then do an activity, drawing, gardening or photography, for example. Offer up the activity to God.
- Go for a walk (and pray, or notice God around you). Changing the scenery can sometimes help us to reconnect with our motivation.
- Get inspiration from praying friends. Can you phone a friend? Or take part in a community of prayer, so that you know that you are not alone?
- Try a change of posture. If you usually pray sitting or kneeling, then stand up. A change of outward posture can be a helpful indicator that we are willing to change inwardly too.
- Lean on your routine. If you have a regular routine of prayer – for example praying the Lord’s Prayer slowly two or three times a day, just do it! Ignore the lack of motivation, ignore how you ‘feel’ about God and gently persevere. Gently being an important word here.
What matters most is not how you pray, but that you pray, any way you can. You can try out the different ways of praying I described in the Top Tips above, and see what works for you.
If you’ve found these suggestions intriguing and helpful, you might like to join us online in prayer as part of the Discovering Prayer Course. It’s a free course that gives you a taster of what’s available as part of Discovering Prayer membership.
Conclusion
1. Explore a vast range of ways to pray.
There are many ways to pray, and different ways of praying are helpful at different times in our lives. To keep going with prayer it helps to commit to continual exploration.
2. Prepare for the journey, find out where you’re starting from.
God calls us into a relationship with him, and it helps to recognise what types of prayer you are already familiar with and find helpful. Then ask God for help and experiment with new ways of praying, based on what you are drawn to.
3. Travel lightly with the help of trusted friends.
Judge wisely what you should do. It may help to listen to friends, but always weigh their advice in the light of what you read in the Bible.
You might also seek wisdom from other trusted companions, being selective about the advice you adhere to.
4. Learn to navigate – find the ancient paths.
A great source of enrichment can be found in the ancient paths of prayer. They can help you explore the Bible in prayer and meditation. You can learn to listen to God as well as learning to incorporate prayer into your daily activities and schedule.
5. Journey as you can, open a map and follow what’s helpful.
Two key things for the journey of prayer: firstly, have a gentle, realistic structure for your prayer times and secondly, be part of a community committed to a similar path.
6. Understand roadblocks like fear that can be part of prayer.
Fear and procrastination are often part of our nature. When we stop to come into a time of prayer we notice these feelings and failings. We shouldn’t be surprised that this is so. This self-knowledge is part of what happens when we pray. If we wait, we will move from self-knowledge to a more real knowledge of God, as God really is, rather than as we imagine.
7. Overcome boredom and lack of motivation so that you can persevere.
When we have the honesty to admit we are bored or frustrated with prayer that can be the beginning of learning to trust God. There are things we can do to help revive our motivation:
- Ask God for help and then simply relax in his presence. If you find silence challenging, then do an activity, drawing, gardening, or photography for example. Offer up the activity to God.
- Go for a walk (and pray, or notice God around you). Changing the scenery can sometimes help us to reconnect with our motivation.
- Get inspiration from praying friends. Can you phone a friend? Or take part in a community of prayer, so that you know that you are not alone?
- Try a change of posture. If you usually pray sitting or kneeling, then stand up. A change of outward posture can be a helpful indicator that we are willing to change inwardly too.
- Lean on your routine. If you have a regular routine of prayer – for example praying the Lord’s Prayer slowly two or three times a day, just do it! Ignore the lack of motivation, ignore how you ‘feel’ about God and gently persevere; gently being an important word here.